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This is Tim. Tim is a middle-class Duplo man. He wears cardigans, a tie and sensible trousers, colour grey. His friends describe him as a nice guy and mild-mannered.

Tim used to be an accountant but a few years ago, he set up his own publishing company. He specialises in niche books about the London music scene in the 1980s. His company is successful.

Tim is a vegan. He is proud of his vegan cooking. He shops at organic farmers markets. He makes his own houmous with organic chickpeas and olive oil. He also has a little herb garden in his kitchen.

Tim enjoys Radio 4, jogging and playing tennis. He has custom-made running shoes from Japan. He reads The Guardian.

Tim is married to Carole. Carole works in HR. Together they an eight-year-old boy, Jack. Jack has red hair even though Tim has black hair and Carol has brown hair. Tim’s friends say that Jack must have a different father, that Carol has cheated on him. Tim does not believe this. He trusts his wife.

Tim owns a three-bedroomed flat in London which he lets out to students for £3,600 a month. Every month he updates a spreadsheet detailing his income, outgoings and savings, and the numbers make him happy.

Tim has sex exclusively in the missionary position and he says thank you at the end.

Three years from now, Tim will have a midlife crisis and buy a leather jacket and motorcycle. The event that sparks the mid-life crisis is that he catches his wife in bed with her aerobics instructor, Pablo.

Tim and Carole divorce. Carole wins the divorce battle because Tim doesn’t like battles, so Carole gets custody of Jack and half of Tim’s net worth. She also takes his record collection.

Tim's clients for his publishing business dry up. Online companies like Amazon are undercutting his fees. He has to sell his house in London.

Tim rents a room in a student apartment. He shares the apartment with a 20-year-old Australian called Billabong who smells of weed and a 19-year-old trust-fund-kid called Max who parties every night. Max brings girls home to fuck. Tim lays awake at night listening to their moans and Max's squeaking bed.

Tim tries to get his old job back as an accountant. But accountants aren’t in demand anymore. Most accounting is done by AI now, his old boss explains.

Needing the money, he gets a job as a Just Eat delivery driver. He delivers takeaways around London by bike for just £6 an hour.

At the age of 42, Tim ends his life by hanging himself from the ceiling fan. The police find no note.

Duplo is available to buy at Amazon.