British 90s nostalgia and shite

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I used to watch The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh as a kid. There was a certain episode that used to terrify me. You might not think Winnie the Pooh was capable of being terrifying but it was, it bloody was.

The episode involved Pooh and his friends lost in some strange land, with giant floating pots of honey. The name of the episode is "All's Well That Ends Wishing Well" and I'm going to rewatch it right now.

First, Pooh is standing on top of a wishing well. It's Tigger's birthday and Pooh is trying to catch the moon. He wants to give the moon to Tigger as a present. What a fucking retard.

Then Pooh falls into the wishing well. But instead of breaking his back and suffering a prolonged and painful death, alone and cold, he starts floating instead.

Next, he's flying over a river.

Pooh lands in the river. There are giant coins all over the place. Because people throw giant coins into the wishing well, I guess? This is getting trippy, man. I thought Winnie the Pooh was about gentle walks through Hundred Acre Wood, not surreal places full of giant coins.

Pooh asks, "Where am I?" in a worried voice while scary music plays. I don't know, Pooh. I don't bloody know. And I'm not sure I want to know either.

Meanwhile, back in Hundred Acre Wood, the rest of the characters are looking for Pooh. With a surprising level of deduction, they realise that Pooh is down the well.

So Tigger, Rabbit and Piglet go down the well to rescue him. I should mention that Eeyore stays up top. I think that's because he doesn't really care if Pooh dies.

Tigger, Rabbit and Piglet are on the famous Freaky Giant Coin Rapids Ride, just like Pooh was earlier.

They get out the river and look around. They're in some weird fairyland. There's a path and it's made of giant coins.

Also, there's a giant birthday cake. It goes on and on into the sky. It has more candles than Ian McKellen's and Patrick Stewart's birthday cakes put together.

It transpires that the characters are in a place called "Wishland". Sounds fucking creepy.

Tigger wishes for a sandwich and a root beer. They magically appear in his hands.

Tigger loves this. He's not scared at all. That's because he has the mental age of five. He doesn't give a thought about the possible repercussions of wishing for so much stuff. About the possible price.

So he starts wishing for a load of shit. Not literally a load of shit though. That would be gross.

Meanwhile, Pooh is floating on a river of honey. He seems to be having fun.

That is, until he reaches a waterfall. Or should that be honeyfall? I don't fucking know.

Pooh then falls into a giant pot of honey.

Pooh can't get out and it looks like he might actually drown. On a kids' TV show.

However, before Pooh actually dies, Tigger wishes that Pooh were there. So Pooh appears by magic.

It transpires that every time Tigger makes a wish, a candle goes out on the birthday cake. The trouble is that he's been making loads of wishes – crap wishes, I might add – and now there's only one wish left.

Rabbit says that Tigger needs to use his last wish to get them home. Pooh says that they'll be "stuck here forever" if Tigger doesn't do this. Well, that's dark, especially for a Winnie the Pooh story.

So Tigger wishes them home.

And that's the end.

After watching this back as an adult, I can see why a child would find it scary. There are all kinds of alarming things going on. Pooh almost drowned to death in honey for one thing.

What would have happened if Tigger had used his last wish for something else? A pair of roller skates, for example? The implication is that Pooh and his friends would still be stuck in Wishland for all eternity. All eternity.

And who made Wishland anyway? It seems like a cruel place. It takes people's fantasies and twists them into something evil. Pooh's favourite thing is honey so he almost drowns in a giant pot of honey. Tigger likes presents. Wishland gives him unlimited presents, but only if he and his friends stay there forever.

I'm not the only one this episode scared. Here are some comments on the episode's Youtube page:

If Winnie the Pooh unsettled you too, let me know in the comments below.

The Complete Tales of Winnie-the-Pooh is available to buy at Amazon.