British 90s nostalgia and shite

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Colouring books have had unexpected popularity in recent years, perhaps owing to their ability to help people relax and practice mindfulness. Personally, I've never understood their appeal and I think they're a bit shit.

Now, I present to you a colouring book that you might not have heard of: The Titanic colouring book.

Yes, it's a colouring book all about the sinking of the Titanic. What better way to honour the deaths of 1,500 people than with a colouring book? Now you and your children can relive the horrors of the tragedy by colouring in pictures with crayons.

I'm not sure if it's supposed to be relaxing, educational, horrifying or what. But I do know that I wish I had thought of the idea first. I would be a millionaire by now.

Colour in a dead body

Look at this. Just look at this picture.

Is this a suitable picture for a children's colouring book? I can literally see a dead body there. There's a man face down in the water. He's right there.

How am I supposed to colour in that man? How am I supposed to colour in that man knowing that he was a real man who died of hypothermia? I don't know. The colouring book has no answers. Maybe that's because colouring books don't have answers, only pictures.

I think I'm meant to colour him blue.

The engine room

Then there's this picture of men evacuating a flooded engine room. The man on the right looks relatively calm but the other two men are fleeing for their lives. I can't colour this in knowing these people died.

Then again, all the people who were on the Titanic are dead now anyway, if not from drowning or hypothermia then from old age. At least, I think so. Maybe there are still one or two of them still kicking around. If so, we should get them to do this colouring book and see if it brings back any traumatic memories. It could be quite healing come to think of it. After all, isn't colouring supposed to be relaxing? We could call it a mindfulness activity. We could ask them questions like, “What was the exact shade of blue of your dad’s face when he was floating in the water?” I’m sure it’s a good idea.

Magic fairy

Remember that part in The Titanic when all the people were jumping off the ship and then a magic fairy appears who hovers in the air while people point at it? No, me neither.

I just realised it's probably a flare. So never mind.

Dining salon

If you ignore the fact that this is a children's colouring book about one of history's deadliest peacetime commercial marine disasters, the pictures are actually pretty good. There's this one for instance of the first-class dining salon on the Titanic. I would definitely colour that in, if only to make the people not look like ghosts.

So that was the The Titanic Coloring Book. I didn't actually colour in any of the pages because I have better things to do, like picking nuggets of poo out of my arsehole.

The Titanic Coloring Book is available to buy at Amazon.