Supermarket Sweep was the best game show ever. Though maybe it just seemed that way at the time because I only ever watched it when I was sick and high on Calpol.

In between answering food-related questions that were so easy even I could answer them, contestants had to run around a fake supermarket fetching for things for Dale Winton like freshly-squeezed orange juice or sausages. If Dale wanted fags then I suppose they'd have to fetch those too.

If they answered a question correctly, or found what Dale so preciously wanted (nicotine), then seconds were added to their 'time' which was used later for the trolley dash, which we'll get to later.

Dale Winton

Dale Winton was the host of Supermarket Sweep. He looked like a cross between Ross from Friends and a flight attendant. But this man was the heart and soul of the show. He was as fresh as mint toothpaste and as light as a breeze.

Unfortunately, he had a penchant for fake spray tans and over the years his face became steadily more and more orange. He looked like he was actually turning into an Oompa-loompa from the neck-up. By the end of his career, his face began to radiate like the ruins of Chernobyl and he got sued for giving people cancer. Also, everyone around him had to wear sunglasses to keep from going blind.

The trolley dash

The trolley dash was the best part of Supermarket Sweep. The teams had to run around the supermarket for two minutes (or longer if they'd accumulated more time) throwing stuff into a trolley like an untreated mental patient let loose in Tesco.

After the trolley dash was over, a sombre woman would total the value of the contents of the trolleys, and whichever team had the highest total went to the final round, with a chance to win £2,000.

I always thought it would be sensible to run to the alcohol aisle because alcohol is expensive, but no-one ever did that. Come to think of it, I don't think the show had an alcohol aisle. Probably that's for the best because Dale Winton would have drunk it all.

To win at Supermarket Sweep, you had to think outside the box. That's why if I played, I would have done things differently. It would have gone like this...

Dale says, "Right teams, you have two minutes for your trolley dash. Three, two, one, go!"

I help him get into the trolley. The trolley dash is over. I have won by default because Dale Winton is priceless.