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I have Ronan Keating's "Life is a Rollercoaster" stuck in my head. Here's how the lyrics go:

We found love, oh
So don't fight it
Life is a rollercoaster
Just gotta ride it

I need you, ooh
So stop hiding
Our love is a mystery
Girl, let's get inside it

I've been pondering the meaning of these lyrics for ages. I reckon there are layers and layers of meaning that can only be discovered through deep meditation and possibly a session of smoking hallucinogenic plants.

The lines that really puzzle me are "Life is a rollercoaster // Just gotta ride it". I feel like an idiot because I cannot understand what these lines are supposed to mean.

I suppose "life is a rollercoaster" is Ronan's way of saying that life has its ups and down – sometimes you'll be happy and sometimes you'll be sad. There will also be a fair share of surprises in store, much like the twists and turns of a rollercoaster. Life can be both exciting and scary.

But what about the part when you get off the rollercoaster and you buy an overpriced picture of yourself with a hilariously contorted expression of fear? Or when you drop your wallet and it lands in a massive net for the park's staff to steal later? Or what about the part when you are sitting on a bench, not on the ride at all, because you have a pair of screaming infants to look after and besides, you bought a massive cup of overpriced pop earlier and someone has to hold it? Where does all that fit into Ronan's metaphor?

Moving on. What about the next line: "Just gotta ride it". What does that even mean?

Does he mean that I have to have sex with life? Do I have to jump on top of life and fuck it like I'm bouncing up and down on a pogo stick?

Perhaps everything will make more sense if I look at the rest of the lyrics. Ronan says "I need you". I presume he's addressing a girl he likes, and not me, the listener. If he does need me then that would be weird. I'd have to let him down gently, possibly by buying him a kebab.

Let's presume he is talking to a girl. By encouraging a girl to ride a rollercoaster... perhaps it is sexual innuendo after all? Perhaps the rollercoaster is actually Ronan's penis, and he's telling the girl to ride him, cowgirl style? Indeed, when we view the song through a sexual lens the lyrics make a lot of sense. When Ronan says "Girl, let's get inside it", he's singing about his desire to insert his penis into the girl's vagina.

But what about when he says "Don't fight it"? Okay, hmm. I think in this part, he's telling the girl not to struggle against his sexual advances because it would be a futile waste of her energy.

There is also a second hidden meaning of "Don't fight it". A deeper layer if you will. He is telling the listener of the song not to question the banality of his lyrics or the mediocrity of his song, as though he's trying to hypnotise you with the music's gentle lull and repetitiveness so that you will later go out and buy his 3-CD "best of" album.

So in conclusion, I don't know what "Life is a Rollercoaster" is about. I could say that it's a modern-day classic about a man pursuing the woman of his dreams, wherein he expresses his ideas about love and loss through the use of metaphor, i.e. by comparing life to a fairground attraction. Then again, it might also represent Ronan's dick. Or my dick. I'm not sure.

Ronan Keating's shit song Life Is A Rollercoaster is available at Amazon.