British 90s nostalgia and shite
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Peter and Jane hate poor people

1st June 2020

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"These are my apples," says Peter. "You can’t have any because you don’t have any money. You’re poor."

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"This milk tastes strange," says Jane.

"That’s because it’s not milk," says the farmer. "It’s my semen. You are all drinking my semen."

"Yummy," says Mummy. "Drink up, everyone. It's organic."

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"Give us back the ball, Daddy," says Peter.

"I have more money than you do," says Daddy. "That means the ball is mine."

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"Hello," says Peter. "My mum and dad say we have to come and talk to you. But just so you know, we hate you because you are poor."

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"Look, Peter," says Jane. "Look at all the horrible poor people outside the train. I hate them."

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"Oh dear," says Mummy. "It looks like there’s a big fire somewhere."

"Good," says Jane. "I hope it’s a poor person's house."

"Poor people don't live in houses," says Peter. "They can't afford them. They live in warrens underground. Isn’t that right, Mum?"

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"Big fire this afternoon!" shouts a man. "Read all about it!"

"How did they print the newspapers so fast?" asks Jane. "We only saw the fire engines a few minutes ago."

"I reckon that man started the fire himself just to sell more newspapers," says Peter.

"Fuck, they're onto me," says the man.

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"Did you hear about those poor people who died in the fire?" says the policeman.

"Serves them right," says Daddy. "Poor people deserve to die. We should kill the lot of them."

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"Thanks to Daddy's efforts, we have enough organic semen to last for a week," says Jane.

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Paul Chris Jones is a writer and dad living in Girona, Spain. You can follow Paul on Instagram, YouTube and Twitter.