Back in my day, we didn’t have Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. We didn’t even have MySpace until 2003. There was no Tinder, Flibber, or whatever fucking hell nonsense we have nowadays. There was no Grindr either. If you wanted a gay man to fuck you up your arsehole then you actually had to go out and look for one.

But what we did have was something called MSN groups.

MSN stood for Microsoft Network, which is already a bit annoying because where’s the word beginning with S? Where is it, Microsoft? Maybe Bill Gates is a genius who programmed my computer but he doesn’t even know how to do an acronym properly?

Microsoft released MSN Groups in 1999. It was a website that let you make your own community groups. The owner of the group had the privilege of being able to add content, like a quiz where you had to name the movie that a quote came from, and a list of Star Wars quotes where words had been changed to “pants”. The other members of the group couldn't add content. They could only talk to one another on a message board, sometimes to bitch about what a shit job the group's owner was doing.

You can use the Wayback Machine to see how MSN Groups used to look. For instance, you can see how MSN Groups looked back in 2002:

And 2004:

The Mystical Magical Land of Me

I was a member of an MSN group called The Mystical Magical Land of Me, which had been created by a teenage girl called Clare. Other members were Ruth (another teenage girl), Woody (a semi-depressed teenage boy who played guitar in a band) and some other teenagers whose names I don't remember. We would all talk together on MSN Messenger, and Ruth even showed me her boobs once via webcam, so that was nice.

Sometimes I have the urge to go to the computer and log in to MSN Messenger to see what Clare, Ruth and Woody are doing. Then I remember I haven't talked to them in two decades and besides, Microsoft discontinued MSN Messenger in 2014. This makes me feel sad and I go and cry in the corner for a bit.

The end of MSN Groups

In 2008, Microsoft announced they were discontinuing MSN Groups the coming year. Users could move their group to a service called Multiply, MSN's partner for online groups. Not that anyone did because everyone had moved onto Facebook by that point.

MSN Groups was a big part of my childhood. As a lonely teenager, it gave me a chance to talk to people online, people with names like Misty1990XxX, NotAPerv615 and BigBoobs12. I would do anything to get it back. That includes licking Bill Gates's scrotum. Do you hear me, Microsoft? I am willing to lick Bill Gates's hairy ballsack if you bring back MSN groups.

To be honest, I would do it for free.