I will always remember the terror of looking into Mr Blobby’s giant green eyes and seeing no sign of humanity. He always gave off a murderous vibe.

Yet apparently no one else thought the same. Everyone loved Mr Blobby. He was a national treasure, second only to the Queen herself. He even had his own pop song in which children proclaimed their love for Mr Blobby.

Here are a couple of lines from the song:

Blobby, oh Mr Blobby, if only you could make us understand
Blobby, oh Mr Blobby, your influence will spread throughout the land

These are real lyrics from the song. I'm sorry, but "your influence will spread throughout the land" sounds like something from an Al-Queda training video, not a song about a children's mascot.

Was Mr Blobby some kind of messiah back then? A pink anti-Christ?

The first time I saw Mr Blobby was on Noel's House Party. Mr Blobby would jump out at random moments and leap on the guests. Sometime's he smash things, on purpose. Like, he'd pick up Noel's beloved china plate collection and just smash it on the floor, while Noel watched in horror. This was supposed to be funny I suppose. But I could never see any humour in it. All I saw was chaos and destruction.

He acted like he was having a perpetual mental breakdown. Probably he was. It would explain his violent rampages.

It's also said that Mr Blobby has an alter ego, a different personality he'll sometimes turn into. This alter ego is called Mr Bloody. Mr Bloody is like Mr Blobby except his eyes are red and his spots are crimson, and instead of smashing plates, he smashes skulls. His favourite drink? The blood of newborns.

And the terrifying thing is that this can happen at any time. Mr Bloody. Look it up.

Here I am being photographed against my will with a Mr Blobby lookalike. He also has my sister in his clutches.

There has been no sign of Mr Blobby now for a few years. The murders have died down. I’m not sure where he’s gone. Maybe he’s finally gone back to hell, where he came from. Or maybe he's in prison for doing bad things to kids. But a part of me, a very scared part of me, believes he is still out there, somewhere, biding his time, so that when he finally returns he will be at the peak of his blobby powers and nothing will be able to stop him.