British 90s nostalgia and shite

The advert

My shitty analysis

So there's this train. Not a Watford to Euston train, it’s more of an ancient steam train in some far-away country, like France or something.

Onboard is this guy who's supposed to look like Indiana Jones but he looks more like the cat from Hocus Pocus after he's turned back into a boy.

I reckon they both must be quite poor. Neither can even afford proper shirts with buttons that go up all the way. Nor can they afford haircuts which is why their hair is so long. I feel sorry for them.

The guy on the train can afford minstrels though so he can't be too strapped for cash.

Up close he looks like a young Christian Bale.

Maybe Christian Bale was acting in Galaxy Minstrel ads on Channel 4 before he was Batman. It's how he prepared for the Batman role.

Anyway, the minstrel makes him daydream that he's making out with a sexy chick.

Yeah, so it turns out that this is some kind of magic power that minstrels have that no one ever knew about. You eat a minstrel and you have a sexual daydream. I don’t know if the daydream includes coming in your pants or not.

Then the daydream ends and it turns out he was just kissing a goat.

So I reckon that every time he eats a minstrel, he gets a bit further in the fantasy. I’ve worked it out like this.

• Quarter of a packet of minstrels = first base (open mouth kissing with the goat)
• Half a packet of minstrels = second base (hand job from the goat)
• Three-quarters of a packet of minstrels = third base (the goat sucks his dick)
• The entire packet of minstrels = fourth base (he sticks his willy up the goat’s bum)

So I reckon, right, that if the advert went on for longer, then this is what would happen: he eats the rest of the entire packet in one go, and as he's daydreaming that he’s having sex with the woman, he’s actually fucking the goat in real life, much to the horror of the other passengers on the train. He's there with his dick up this goat's bum, pumping away, while the other passengers watch, horrified, but he doesn't give a shit because he's immersed in a minstrel-induced sexual fantasy. Eventually, the guards come and throw him off the train, but not until he’s come into the goat.

This is the only logical outcome of this advert.