As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

80s games were shorter, simpler, and yet somehow more difficult than modern games. As James Rolfe says:

In the 80s, these were the kind of the brutal-ass games that kicked us into shape, and heightened our senses, and made us into fucking tigers!

Golden Axe, an 80s sidescrolling beat 'em up, is no exception.

The gameplay is deceptively simple: you must hit the bad guys before they hit you. This lets you get a series of hits off, culminating in you throwing the enemy across the screen. Things get trickier when there are multiple enemies. While engaged with one bad guy, another is likely to attack you from behind. But the real test is not simply to win individual encounters. It’s the long haul that matters. You are given a finite set of lives, so making it to the end of the game is a grim war of attrition. It’s a masochistic ritual.

The producer Makoto Uchida borrowed heavily from the film Conan the Barbarian. Your mission is to fight across the fantasy land of Yuria to show down with Death Adder, who wields the titular golden axe.

The game is violent, grim, and everyone is underdressed. Enemies scream when you kill them. At one point the sky turns blood red above a spartan, hellish landscape, while warlike drums play in the background. Enemies pause to laugh at you after they’ve thrown you to the ground for the umpteenth time.

Even the protagonists’ motivations lean towards barbarianism. Each has had a close family member killed by Death Adder, and they’re seeking bloody vengeance. They’re not saving the world out of heroism. They’re unapologetically not your typical heroes.

This self-taken hardship is best experienced with a friend. You can heroically help the second player out while he’s being beaten up, or mischievously join in on the beating instead.

Imp-like sprites provide humour, which you must chase comically and kick to obtain health and magic power. Then there are a cockatrice and a dragon you can ride. The empowerment is a bit like the vehicles in Halo. Stealing a dragon from an enemy to use it against them is cruelly satisfying.

Golden Axe is still one of my favourite games, for its simplicity and atmosphere. Somehow this 16-bit game makes me feel like a war-hardened, hairy-chested Viking. The soundtrack alone contains two of my favourite video game tracks ("Battle Field" and "Wilderness"). And a playthrough lasts just thirty minutes, so it doesn’t outstay its welcome.

Golden Axe can be played on the SEGA Megadrive Mini, which is available to buy at Amazon.