So fish and chips crisps were crisps, right, but each crisp was in the shape of a fish or a chip. And, uh, that's it.

I don’t think there is anything more British as fish and chips crisps. Forget the Queen, the BBC and The Chuckle Brothers, these crisps are the closest thing to pure Britishness there is.

Because it’s fish and chips. But it’s also crisps. It's fish and chips as crisps. It’s genius. You take something really good – fish and chips – and you combine it with something else really good – crisps – and you end up with something great: fish and chips crisps.

The only thing that could outdo it would be fish and chips in the shape of crisps instead of crisps in the shape of fish and chips, but I reckon that might be taking it one step too far and the universe might implode at that point.

I reckon one of the reasons fish and chips crisps are so British is because only the British could come up with something so unhealthy. I mean, you're not just eating crisps, you're also eating the idea of battered fish and chips too, so you are basically eating three things that can cause cholesterol even if two of them are only concepts.

Car boot sales

I only ever saw fish and chips crisps at one place: the giant car boot sale every Sunday at Birmingham Wholesale Market. The car boot sale smelled of fag smoke, tar and car exhaust fumes, which wasn’t as bad as it sounds. You get used to the smell after a while, even come to like it. My parents would always buy a packet from one of the grubby food stands. It was their way of making the trip to the car boot sale a little less dreary for me and my siblings.

For that reason, I will always associate fish and chips crisps with overcast Sunday mornings and looking at crap on trestle tables.

I want to go back to the car boot sale at Birmingham Wholesale Market but I never can because it closed forever in 2018. It is likely I will never taste fish and chips crisps again and that makes me sad. Not that sad but still.