British 90s nostalgia and shite

My family was fond of taking photos of their Easter eggs. This explains why there are so many photos of Easter eggs in my family's photo collection and not so many photos of us as babies.

It's roughly Easter now, probably, so here are some of the photos of Easter eggs from my family's photo collection.

Easter 1991 and a Sega Master System

This photo is from Easter 1991 where apparently we not only got chocolate egss but also a Sega Master System as well? This is only the first photo and already I'm lost.

I seem to be holding my eggs out of my sister's reach as if I think she wants to steal them. She is trying to steal them though; you can see her arm reaching out for them. STOP STEALING MY EGGS CORRYN.

A Sega Master System isn't typically what you get for Easter but I'm okay with that. I can shoot ducks and dogs with a light gun while still thinking about Jesus nailed to a cross.

Later, we got Michael Jackson's Moonwalker for that Master System. This was when Michael Jackson was still a legend instead of a paedophile. There's a part of the game where kids are locked in cupboards which was probably Michael's way of telling us what was to come.

This photo shows that one of the eggs was a Beano egg. I can just about make out Rodger the Dodger. He was a bit like Dennis the Menace except not as good.

Rolo Easter egg

Here's a photo ten years later of us holding a Rolo egg.

We look more pleased with this Rolo egg than we did with the Sega Master System. What's so great about it? I don't know. I don't even like Rolos.

What does Rolo mean anyway? Yolo means "you only live once" so does Rolo mean "rou only live once"? If so, then that's shit because it doesn't make sense.

Another Easter

Then there's this photo from some other Easter:

At this point, my brother and sisters and I were getting a ridiculous amount of chocolate every Easter. There's more chocolate and sugar in this photo than Willy Wonka could masturbate with. If you ate all that chocolate in one go you'd go into a diabetic coma and they'd have to stomach pump you in the ambulance on the way to A&E.

Here are some of the things in the photo.

Buffy egg

As a teenage boy, I liked Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I mean, I liked her liked her. I even had a Buffy poster on my bedroom wall that I only tried to hump once or twice.

So my parents got me this Buffy Easter egg and mug.

I liked this egg because it came with a mug. Many a night I put my liquid into Buffy, making her all hot and steamy.

Terry's Chocolate Orange Mini Segments Easter egg

Okay, this fucking egg is warping my brain.

First of all, we have to get around the fact that we're looking at pictures of Easter eggs instead of going out and living life to the full.

Then we have to ask ourselves: what is a Terry's Chocolate Orange Mini Segments Easter egg?

Is it:

• just a giant chocolate orange
• an easter egg that tastes like Terry's Chocolate Orange Mini Segments
• an easter egg with footballer John Terry's face on it

And where do the mini segments come into it?

More Easter shite

My brother looks like he's doing some weird impersonation in this photo but in fact, that's just his normal face. He's autistic.

Crunchie egg

My favourite chocolate bar was the Crunchie which is why my parents got me a Crunchie Easter egg every year. It was also why I did 100 crunches every morning.

I think the reason Crunchie was my favourite because it contained toffee, and toffee was an efficient way of getting sugar into my body.

This egg came with two crunchies which is generous. Even Jesus Christ being crucified would have to admit that's good.

Barbie Easter egg

Barbie personally wishes you a happy Easter with this egg. Even though she's a doll and she's pretend.

Oh fuck, I hope she's not one of those evil come-to-life dolls.

"Where did this Easter egg come from Mom?"

"I don't know, we didn't buy it."

Then you open the egg and it hatches and there's aliens inside. Barbie aliens.

Stuff from yet another Easter

Here's a photo from yet another Easter:

Milky Way Mini Eggs Easter egg

One of the things we got that year was a Milky Way Mini Eggs Easter egg.

This is another fucking egg that I don't understand. Is it just a chocolate egg and some Milky Way Mini Eggs? Or is the chocolate egg a Mini Egg too, albeit a giant one? And if you make a Mini Egg big, then does it stop being a Mini Egg and become something else, like a Maxi Egg? And where do Maxi Pads come in to it?

Cadbury's Bunny Rabbits

Cadbury's Bunny Rabbits were chocolate-coated biscuits in the shape of bunny rabbits. (Not normal rabbits, mind you, but bunny rabbits - though I don't know what the difference is).

I googled "Cadbury's Bunny Rabbits" but there's nothing on the internet about it. It's as if it never existed.

But when the reality police were methodically destroying all evidence about Cadbury's Bunny Rabbits, they forgot about the photos in my dad's loft. CADBURY'S BUNNY RABBITS WERE REAL. Let the people know!

My brother again

Finally here's a photo of my brother with his Easter haul one year:

My brother always got a Milkybar Easter egg. It's said that he's the true Milkybar Kid and all the others are just pretenders. Milkybars were his favourite chocolate, probably because they contained sugar and little else.

If you enjoyed this post then fuck off, you weirdo.