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The 90s is a wasteland of fads and toys, fads and toys. Sucky dummies, pogs, Furbies and Tamagotchis – they were all popular for less than a year before they became forgotten and abandoned for something else. The reason is that most of these things were crap.

And this thing. What is it? Why does it look so eerily familiar? What does it do?

I must have seen one in real life but I can't remember what it does. I have the vague memory that it wiggles and shakes about like a hamster ball containing a hamster having a seizure.

This Fucking Thing (which I will continue to refer to it as) was just another part of the 1990s, a time of bright colours, plastic and wildly popular toys that did nothing except jiggle and bounce.

It looks like a toy version of an underwater mine. It's the kind of garish weapon that the Joker would put in Gotham's rivers.

Or is it supposed to be a model of a virus? It looks like something teachers would use to teach preschool kids about what a virus is.

Hang on, it's all coming back to me now. The wiggling. The shaking. You see, when This Fucking Thing is turned on, it will wiggle and jiggle all over your living room carpet like an excited puppy. Except it won't piss on your cushions and it won't hump your leg.

In a desperate attempt to find out more about This Fucking Thing, I googled it. Wikipedia says it's called a Bumble Ball. So not "This Fucking Thing" after all. Huh. Go figure.

The Bumble Ball is a motorized children's toy made by Ertl toys. They were popular in the mid-1990s and come in varied colors, including a see-through light-up one and a mini version. [Turning it on] causes it to vibrate and bounce about, some play music. [...] The core of the Bumble Ball is hard plastic while the knobs are a more rubbery texture.

Well, there you go. It's called a Bumble Ball. I hope you've learned something.

What I want to know is how many people tried to use these as sex toys. How many people turned up at A&E with a Bumble Ball in one of their orifices, claiming they 'slipped' and 'fell on it'?

All my female friends humped those things it may as well have been called my first vibrator.

Surprised this didn’t get recalled like the Harry Potter vibrating broomstick.

The BBC needs to bring these back as Doctor Who villains. I can imagine how it would go now:

THE DOCTOR'S ASSISTANT: Doctor... it's the Bumble Balls! They're out of control!

THE DOCTOR: No... there are millions of them!

ASSISTANT: Doctor, there's one crawling up my leg!

THE DOCTOR: Don't touch it! It could be lethal!

ASSISTANT: Doctor... The vibrations... MMMHHmmmPPHHH

THE DOCTOR: Oh my...

BBC, contact me for more script ideas.

Bumble balls (or something like them) are available to buy at Amazon.